About Me

 My Story

Growing up in an environment that prioritized academic achievement and punished noncompliance, I was constantly compared to others, and my achievements were minimized or ignored as "motivations" for compliance; I developed a deep sense of inadequacy at a very young age. Safety was a rare occurrence at home when my caregivers were having a hard time with their own traumas. As a result, with my lack of coping skills, I resorted to some physically harmful coping mechanisms to help me escape and survive the mental and physical stress on my overworked nervous system. 

Fast forward to my teen years, I found myself in a new country, a new language, and an unfamiliar group of peers. Trying to find my place in a new environment while navigating my parents' divorce added another level of uncertainty and insecurity. I turned to what felt familiar to handle stress, but this time, it was significantly harsher on my mind and body. What could an insecure teenager with no coping skills and a not-yet-developed prefrontal cortex do? I mended my sense of self to please others to feel like I belonged somewhere. 

And you guessed it: my false sense of self and people-pleasing tendencies showed up in my career and relationships. I ignored my desire to study psychology and instead studied and worked for a decade in Human Resources to please others' idea of success, even though it regularly burned me out. I suppressed my feelings in relationships because my upbringing taught me I was responsible for making others feel better. Who knew you could burn out in relationships too? 

After my children were born, I worked with my therapist on my repeated unhelpful patterns in the hopes of breaking the cycle so my children could grow up in safety. After pursuing my degree in counselling psychology, I had a better understanding and, most importantly, deep compassion and acceptance for all the parts that developed to help me survive. 

Now, as a mother of three beautiful human beings, a wife in an interracial marriage, a daughter in a blended family, and a Registered Psychotherapist, I strive to help clients from diverse backgrounds not only cope with hardships, but also understand which feelings need nervous system regulation and which need companionship. Ultimately, I hope to cultivate resilience through safety of connection (even if they sound foreign and impossible).